You know how people say, “If you hate something so much, why are you obsessed with it?” That’s Craig in a nutshell. Craig is the sort of bloke who’d leave a one-star review for a film he secretly watches on repeat. The guy who complains about avocado toast but keeps a spreadsheet of all the cafes that serve it. Hypocrisy isn’t just a habit for Craig; it’s a full-time job.

And his real passion? Findom. Specifically, hating it. Publicly, Craig is a one-man crusade against financial domination. He’s on every forum, every Facebook group, every Reddit thread you can think of, shouting into the void about how dommes are scammers, subs are fools, and the whole thing is a "social disease." But privately? Oh, privately, Craig is wiring tribute payments faster than his bank’s fraud detection team can keep up.

Craig’s alter ego—the one he won’t admit to even in the mirror—is “GrovellingPig42.” He’s got an anonymous account, naturally, where he follows every domme who’s ever said, “Pay up or get lost.” Mistress Electra. Goddess Amara. Countess Cashgrab. He’s got a favorite, though: Miss Jade. A woman so commanding she could probably order a coffee and make the barista leave the shop entirely.

One evening, while Craig is mid-rant on a forum—“These dommes have no skill! All they do is say ‘Pay me!’ Pathetic!”—Miss Jade posts a tweet:
“To all the pathetic subs who think they can hide: I always know.”

Craig freezes. He stares at the screen, the words searing into his very soul. She doesn’t mean me, does she? He panics. Closes Twitter. Opens it again. Likes the tweet, then unlikes it. Classic Craig move.

The next day, Miss Jade tweets:
“Fake subs who talk big but secretly tribute are the funniest. Keep sending, losers. 💅”

Craig’s hands are clammy. He swears she knows. She can’t possibly know. But she might. Does she? He tributes £50 just to be safe. It’s insurance, really. Like paying off a hitman, except the hitman’s a glamorous woman with red lipstick who’s never met him.

And that should’ve been it. But no. Miss Jade keeps tweeting things that feel suspiciously directed at him.
“Only a true loser insults findom and still pays.”
“Bet you’re too scared to admit you love this.”

Craig spirals. His two personalities—Outraged Craig and GrovellingPig42—are in a civil war. He tributes £100 to shut her up. Then another £200 because she doesn’t.

Finally, one night, Craig’s worst fear materializes. Miss Jade DMs him.
“I know who you are, Craig.”

Craig nearly drops his phone. He types back, “You must have the wrong person.”

Her reply is immediate. “Oh? Should I post the screenshots of your tributes, GrovellingPig42?”

Craig screams internally. He types out, “What do you want?”

Her response is simple. Elegant. Terrifying.
“Send.”

And he does. He sends everything he’s got in his account. He sends until his banking app locks him out for suspicious activity. And then, because Craig is Craig, he logs back into the forum where he spends his days railing against the system and posts, “See? I told you they’re manipulative!”

Craig might be broke, humiliated, and terrified, but at least he’s consistent.

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